Nightfreeze
  

The Great Scam

 
Parts

Epilogue

"Okay," Trazir said, "send the money over to my new character, bro."

I stared at the balance long and hard. 480,000,000. I was lost in thought, imagining all the possibilities that half a billion credits would bring me. Images of splendor and prosperity flashed in my head, rapid fire. I would be the commander of a fleet of battleships, and a harem of beautiful women would fawn over me every second of the day. And even if I were to die, they would resort to having lesbian sex with each other in front of my 40 foot shrine, forever worshipping my wealth in this life and beyond. The CEOs of the largest corporations and the GMs of the biggest servers would heel before my command, and I would have absolute dominion over every last atom in the universe.

I would be God.

"Dude? Come on, send it over."

I couldn't hear him. I didn't WANT to hear him. The money was mine, wasn't it? It was my idea, wasn't it? What the hell had Trazir done this entire time, other than write a few message board posts? Why should he be deserving of my hard earned profits?

"Um.... Hello? Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

I wanted to tear out his vocal chords and throw them out the window. I wanted to hear him scream for mercy, and say that I could have all the credits for myself. I wanted a lot of things.

"So, you gonna wire those credits any time soon, or am I just going to have to come over there and make you send them? I really want that money man, come on, tell me you're gonna send it."

"FINE!" I put 1 isk in the wire transfer box, and hit send.

"Very funny. MAN, COME ON, SEND THE FUCKING MONEY."

He was being roused from his normally copacetic state. Trazir was a big guy, and I had seen him before many a time under alcohol-induced rages. There was nothing scarier to me at that moment than a six and a half foot heavy-set man whose temper had been left at home. I placed 179,999,999 of my hard-earned isk of my in the wire transfer box and sent it. My heart sunk.

"Awesome! Now that's what I'm talkin' about man. Thanks!"

I had just been extorted to the tune of about $1000. No matter; I would doubtlessly make it back and more with the 300 million isk I currently possessed. I slipped back into fantasy mode, only this time, something wasn't quite right. I had my own battleship, only this time, there was no fleet. There was no harem of beautiful women wanting to jump my bones at any given moment of the day; instead, there was only one moderately attractive girl who seemed kind of interested in me. CEOs viewed me with respect and a touch of admiration, but the Gamemasters looked down upon all of us contemptuously.

"Hey, can you send that money back for a second? I need to see it again, for, uh, corporate.... purposes. Come on, just let me see it, one last time."

"FUCK NO! Do you think I'm stupid or something?" He laughed, and continued on. "Listen man, you have no idea how happy this makes me. But I've gotta go eat dinner now. We can talk later." Click.

I stared, empty, into the far reaches of space. The newbie NPC trainer was repeatedly messaging my new character with instructions about how to play the game, filling my inbox to the brink with annoying, pointless messages. I readied my starter laser and fired a pitiful shot at the trainer; his shield integrity was down to 99%.

The police wasted no time. Three cruisers were on me within seconds, and the very sight of them must have caused my newbie ship to quiver in fear and spontaneously combust, because nary a shot was fired before I respawned at the closest base, pod-death and all. Although I had the money, there was nothing fun I could do with it. My character had minimal skills and therefore could only pilot the shittiest of ships. It would be months before he would be sufficiently trained to pilot a battleship. In RPG weapon terms, my current ship was a rusty dagger, and the best ship I would be able to fly was an aging kitchen knife. I logged off Eve, and watched my desktop; my eyes wavered to the Trillian shortcut, but quickly averted themselves. I knew that if I entered any messaging programs, I would be quickly and brutally raped. My fragile emotional state was at stake.

I opened it anyway.

Ackbar's 3 holy words resonated through my brain as each program opened up. Thoggins was the first.

Thoggins: Tell me something, Nightfreeze, WHY haven't you picked up the phone yet? AFRAID? I knew you would do something like this, you fucking scumbag. FUCK YOU!

Nightfreeze: Thoggins! My dear old friend, how are you doing this eve? How's the girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have a girlfriend. You don't even have any money, because your ass just got scammed. Doesn't it taste good? Bitch.

Thoggins: I swear to god, if I ever find you in real life, I will beat the everliving piss out of you, YOU LITTLE SHIT.

Nightfreeze: Thoggins, my good man, why do continue to accost me? You gave me your money, fair and square, remember? Hahahahaahahahahahahahhahahah.

Thoggins: Guess what, asshole? I was one of the earliest hackers in the 1980s. I KNEW Kevin Mitnick. Phone Phreaking is as secondary to me as skullfucking your daughter. I'm going to keep calling your house, OVER AND OVER, and the phone company will NEVER be able to trace the call. You're going down.

I had had quite enough of Thoggins. I promptly clicked on the "block" button and prayed for the innocent voyeurs browsing the erotica section who would pick up the phone and be confronted by a screaming man threatening to kill for stealing his money. Oh well, shit happens.

Neither Magnulus nor Jorpho had queried me yet, so I took the intiative by sending them both the same note and blocking them.

Me: Hi there, buddy! I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for investing in the official ZZZZ Best Apocalypse Blueprint Pool. Unfortunately, a group of pirating ruffians ran off with the credits you so faithfully endowed to my organization. Since there was no insurance clause in the contract, I'm afraid that your investment is now gone forever. If you would like more information about my company, and a possible chance for reimbursement, go to google and do a search for ZZZZ Best. Cheers!

Suddenly, he messaged me. The useless one.

HardHead: Hey man, Thoggins has been telling all of us that you took the money and ran. He's wrong, isn't he? I've known you for months now man, I mean, hell, you have a family and everything, I know you wouldn't do something like that. So what's up? Why does it say "Character Doesn't Exist" when I try to send you messages in Eve?

Nightfreeze: Hello friend! I'm gonna write something, so tell me, are you reading closely?

HardHead: Yeah. What is it?

Nightfreeze: I just scammed the fuck out of you.

Hardhead: ......

HardHead: But why? Why would you do something like this? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.

HardHead: Hell man, I LOANED YOU MONEY. I just don't understand, how could you DO THIS TO ME?

HardHead: Jesus Christ... I don't even know how to respond... I hate to say it, but man, I'm almost crying right now.

HardHead: I don't think I'll ever be able to trust another person again. Thanks man. Thanks.

*HardHead Logs Off*

There was nothing left for me in the barren wasteland of online chatting. I followed HardHead's example, and dismissed myself for the night.

My eyelids trembled as if they felt the vast cyclic movement of the earth and her watchers, trembled as if they felt the felt the strange light of some new world. Sunshine streamed through the window, and the shackles of duty slowly began to fall with each gradual upward movement of my torso. I leapt out of bed and stood straight, high, free! Eve was nothing more than a faded memory to me now; the world was calling me, and my soul was leaping at the call, to live, to err, to fall, to triumph, to recreate life out of life!

"ENOUGH OF THIS DAMNED GAME!!" I shouted, my booming voice causing a freshly awoken dog to begin howling at the day. I jogged to my computer and started Eve Online. I flew my starter ship out to the closest asteroid field and struck up a conversation with a player named Frosttt.

Me: Hi. What would you say if I were to offer you 300 million isk?

Frosttt: id say it was pretty kool lol

I wired the credits to him and logged off.

I never logged back in again.

 

 
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The Great Scam - by Nightfreeze

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